i have a christmas present that i'm not sure i want to give

more than anything else, i wish there was a clean and easy way to get what's in my head out onto paper, or a recording. a lot of time i feel like wes bentley in american beauty, watching a plastic bag dance around and about to explode. but i don't want to just take in the beauty and the weight of the world. i'm good at that. i've had years of practice at discerning and taking it in and feeling that tug from behind your ribs pulling yr organs into a single point. now i want to create some beauty. whether i write it or play it or say it.