everyday it's getting closer, going faster than a roller coaster

i had my last cigarette for at least the next two months (and hopefully much longer) today. it scares me a little bit. i've been smoking regularly for over a year and a half now, and i'm going cold turkey. i'm all stocked up with nicorette, though, so if all goes according to plan, it won't be too bad.

but it makes me think about the nature of addiction.
not specifically with drugs, but in all aspects. how we become addicted to attention, to habits, to people, to sex, to being in love, to religion.
aside from chemical dependence, the stuff that can be scientifically explained, addiction is safety, although there's a hell of a lot of comfort and safety in drugs too. it's an unwillingness to face what else is out there, to take on new roles in life. and it's crippling.
i'm addicted to my depression and anxiety. it's a security blanket, albeit one that isn't very comfortable, to say the least. if something makes me uncomfortable or scared, well hey, i've got somewhere to retreat so i don't have to deal with it. i have an excuse for all occasions. it may be true, but it's still an excuse. and it makes me sick with myself.

so here is my new year's resolution:
to identify and draw out those little things in my life that i am addicted to or dependent on, analyze them, figure out how i became wrapped up in them, and execute them systematically. there will be no excuses. there will be no mercy.

happy new year<3

p.s. - i saw 5 out of my top 7 bands on last.fm in 2008. hell yes.

p.s.s. - i want to go see this immediately.