it's time now that i pick up my hustle.

i talked with my mom earlier this morning, and she told me i repeatedly set myself up for failure. this is absolutely true.
every time i go about chasing some new goal or dream or whim, i always intend to do things differently. i always intend to change my way of thinking, or get rid of those bad habits that kept me from following through the last time, or just be positive about the whole thing. this happens quite rarely, if ever.
see, i am a talker, not a doer. i have excellent ideas, and often times i have excellent plans to carry out those ideas. but i am so caught up in myself that as soon as i hit my first roadblock, all those plans go out the window, and i'm left wondering why i can't do anything right.
the obvious course of action, it seems, would be to develop a work ethic or a sense of resilience. and i always intend to do that as well.

the coming months are going to be quite the test for me.
what i'm saying here is that i really, really need your encouragement. i'm not so delusional to think that i can do this by myself, which i think has been my problem in the past. i'm so focused on trying to be independent and stoic and productive that i forget that i'm really just a little kid playing dress up. but i can grow. please believe me. please believe in me. i'm trying my best to believe in myself.

well here i stand, a broken man
if i could, i would lift my hands
i come before you humbly
if i could, i'd be on my knees
come lay down yr head upon my chest
feel my heart beat, feel my unrest
if jesus could only wash my feet
then i'd get up strong
and muscle on

oh in the morning
i stumble my way towards the mirror and my makeup
it's light out
and i now face just what i'm made of
there's so much more
left to do
well i'm not young
but i'm not through