if you're such a poet, loose yr tongue and show it.

i need to be honest and say that i feel like i'm going to go crazy this summer. like no holds barred, for real shit your pants crazy. it's kind of a problem.

well poop

ITS SOLD OUT WHO SAW THAT COMING.

balls.

why john darnielle is one of the best singers in rock music today.

from http://www.questionablecontent.net/rlblog/

I know, it sounds ridiculous, like one of those deliberately contrary things that people say on music blogs the world over to try to differentiate themselves from the pack. But bear with me here: first up, I don’t mean “in all music ever”. I’m deliberately keeping my argument to a pretty narrow focus here, on the rock & pop world (inadequate though we might deem those descriptions to be). I’m not well-versed enough in the other myriad forms of vocal-dependent music to comment on them. Secondly, I don’t mean to say that John Darnielle has a great singing voice. That’s clearly not the case. Sure, he hits the notes okay, has a pretty good range, but tonally his voice is nasal and over-strident. I don’t think anyone’s denying that.

But Billie Holiday didn’t have a great voice, either. And we all know she was one the greatest singers of the 20th century (and that’s not just received wisdom: go check out some of her Columbia recordings from the ’30s and ’40s). Sometimes what a person does with his or her voice can surpass any limitations within that voice. John Darnielle is one of those people.

This is thanks in no small part to his much-talked about move from bedroom & boombox recording to working within an actual, properly kitted out studio. As has been mentioned by many people in the past, the microphone can be as much of a musical instrument as a guitar or a drum or anything else. When he was recording his songs straight onto cassette John Darnielle’s singing was pretty uniform: just about every song was belted out at maximum force, perhaps out of necessity: subtleties are easily lost among the tape hiss.

Since his move to the studio with Tallahassee, though, he seems to have been revelling in the possibilities granted by the use of a proper microphone. His lyrics had always been exceptional: now he tempers his singing to suit those lyrics. This is demonstrated best on the Mountain Goats’ great, great album from 2005, the Sunset Tree. His voice shifts through all the gears, just as the songs on the album display all human emotions: angry and defiant on “This Year”; desperate and urgent on “Hast Thou Considered the Tetrapod?”; quiet and resigned on “Pale Green Things”. The album carries a massive emotional weight, and that’s in no small part to the attention to detail John Darnielle puts into his singing throughout.

There aren’t many people out there in the rock & pop world at the moment who are doing what he’s doing with his voice. Next time you listen to your favourite contemporary rock album, just pay attention to the singer. How much is he or she doing, vocally? Is there any variety between songs? Probably not, I’d bet. That’s why John Darnielle is one of the best singers in rock music today.

i will love you just like i used to

the mountain goats and john vanderslice present:
a night of amplified acoustic guitar and voice.

"We are going to light out for the Territories in a van with two acoustic guitars, some notebooks, our soundman Brandon and a pouch full of charms against ill omen. We are going to get elemental. We are going to stomp our feet and hammer at the strings until we get what we want from them. We, a couple of guys named John, are going to tour, is what we're going to do. We're going to stand alone onstage and play our guitars and sing old songs & new, and then we'll probably play together. We are going to sit side by side with our acoustic guitars like two out of the five guys on the Five Man Acoustical Jam album, only with fewer Tesla songs. Because the whole point of playing an acoustic guitar is not to unplug. It's to get raw and draw blood. Bring along some fresh bandages and we'll see you there!"

on wednesday.
get pumped.

this is my four leaf clover.

i have been straight exhausted for the past few days.
there is too much to do.

it's good, though.
stay busy. stay occupied. be content. be grateful.

love.

someday maybe i'll get to where i'm going

i am far more unbalanced than i thought i was.
i really am trying to clean up, to keep a level head and stay logical and put things in perspective.
it's pretty difficult, though.






so when i'm lost in a crowd
i hope that you'll pick me out
how i long to be found!
the grass grew high, i laid down.
now i'm waiting for a hand
to lift me up, help me stand
i've been laying so low
don't wanna lay here no more

golden.

i got no time for yr sad songs
i got plenty to sing on my own

stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things stay on top of things

it's time now that i pick up my hustle.

i talked with my mom earlier this morning, and she told me i repeatedly set myself up for failure. this is absolutely true.
every time i go about chasing some new goal or dream or whim, i always intend to do things differently. i always intend to change my way of thinking, or get rid of those bad habits that kept me from following through the last time, or just be positive about the whole thing. this happens quite rarely, if ever.
see, i am a talker, not a doer. i have excellent ideas, and often times i have excellent plans to carry out those ideas. but i am so caught up in myself that as soon as i hit my first roadblock, all those plans go out the window, and i'm left wondering why i can't do anything right.
the obvious course of action, it seems, would be to develop a work ethic or a sense of resilience. and i always intend to do that as well.

the coming months are going to be quite the test for me.
what i'm saying here is that i really, really need your encouragement. i'm not so delusional to think that i can do this by myself, which i think has been my problem in the past. i'm so focused on trying to be independent and stoic and productive that i forget that i'm really just a little kid playing dress up. but i can grow. please believe me. please believe in me. i'm trying my best to believe in myself.

well here i stand, a broken man
if i could, i would lift my hands
i come before you humbly
if i could, i'd be on my knees
come lay down yr head upon my chest
feel my heart beat, feel my unrest
if jesus could only wash my feet
then i'd get up strong
and muscle on

oh in the morning
i stumble my way towards the mirror and my makeup
it's light out
and i now face just what i'm made of
there's so much more
left to do
well i'm not young
but i'm not through

like a hitman! oh, like a dancer

so i've got this very tenuous and abstract possibility of a motivation floating out there.
and nothing is certain, nothing is set in stone, but yet i am already looking forward to what i am going to create. it's going to be a good semester. it's going to be HARD AS BALLS. but it's going to be so worth it.

a better son/daughter

and sometimes when you're on
you're really fuckin' on
and yr friends they sing along and they love you
but the lows are so extreme
that the good seems fuckin' cheap
and it teases you for weeks in its absence
but you'll fight and you'll make it through
you'll fake it if you have to
and you'll show up for work with a smile
you'll be better and you'll be smarter
and more grown up and a better daughter
or son, and a real good friend
you'll be awake, you'll be alert
you'll be positive though it hurts
and you'll laugh and embrace all yr friends
you'll be a real good listener
you'll be honest, you'll be brave
you'll be handsome and you'll be beautiful
you'll be happy.

i think it's important for me to listen to this song when things are good, too.
it's basically my anthem.

i'm getting another tattoo soon! yessssss

everyday it's getting closer, going faster than a roller coaster

i had my last cigarette for at least the next two months (and hopefully much longer) today. it scares me a little bit. i've been smoking regularly for over a year and a half now, and i'm going cold turkey. i'm all stocked up with nicorette, though, so if all goes according to plan, it won't be too bad.

but it makes me think about the nature of addiction.
not specifically with drugs, but in all aspects. how we become addicted to attention, to habits, to people, to sex, to being in love, to religion.
aside from chemical dependence, the stuff that can be scientifically explained, addiction is safety, although there's a hell of a lot of comfort and safety in drugs too. it's an unwillingness to face what else is out there, to take on new roles in life. and it's crippling.
i'm addicted to my depression and anxiety. it's a security blanket, albeit one that isn't very comfortable, to say the least. if something makes me uncomfortable or scared, well hey, i've got somewhere to retreat so i don't have to deal with it. i have an excuse for all occasions. it may be true, but it's still an excuse. and it makes me sick with myself.

so here is my new year's resolution:
to identify and draw out those little things in my life that i am addicted to or dependent on, analyze them, figure out how i became wrapped up in them, and execute them systematically. there will be no excuses. there will be no mercy.

happy new year<3

p.s. - i saw 5 out of my top 7 bands on last.fm in 2008. hell yes.

p.s.s. - i want to go see this immediately.